17 HOME COMPUTER USE/ TELL-TALE SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR

HAS HIS COMPUTER BECOME "THE OTHER WOMAN?" 

Is your spouse suddenly weird about people in the family being around his/her computer? Does he/she spend more time than usual in front of his/her computer? There may be things that are going on behind your back, or it may be absolutely nothing. Ask yourself these questions before jumping to any conclusions.

1) He/she spends more time on the computer, especially in your absence.
2) He/she deletes information from the computer, including emptying the recycle bin.
3) He/she spends time on the computer after you go to bed.
4) If you appear suddenly, he/she acts nervous and turns off the computer, or switches screens.
5) He/she spends every possible moment on the computer.
6) Often the door is locked to the office, or room where the computer is set up.
7) He/she is constantly changing the passwords to the computer.
8) He/she acts nervous or angry when you or the children use his/her computer, or he/she forbids it.
9) He/she has high security set up on the computer.
10) Is the computer turned to "silent" so as to block the instant messaging "bleeps?"
11) Does the computer seem to be a new obsession with him/her?
12) If it is a laptop, is he/she careful to always keep it with him/her?
13) Does he/she use "Private Browsing" to hide their activities?
14) Does he/she insist that you open accounts together on social media? Eg. JoeandDiana
15) Are you aware of other email accounts in his/her name that were not told to you?
16) Does his/her Facebook account have names of old boy/girl friends, or other suspicious contacts?
17) Does his/her email account have suspicious names in the contacts list?

If you've answered "yes" to any of these, and his/her business is not home-computer based, either there is a pornography issue, or a cheating spouse, or both. The best way to know for sure is to install spyware on his/her computer. Never let him/her know that you did this. You may rather find a friend who is computer tech savvy, and have them go through the past history (unless you know how to yourself) and pull up every site that has been looked at. This may be difficult if the computer has had high security put on, and you do not know the passwords.

You may have to take your computer "in to be fixed" so that you are "forced to use his/her's" and ask for a password very casually. If they are very uncomfortable with this, assure him/her that you will "only be a moment." Do some banking, then plan to get in to it later when you are alone with the computer. This will be tricky as he/she will seldom be away from it.

It will be hard to catch if he/she uses "private browsing" or other "anonymizers."

If he/she waits until you are in bed, you may need to fake being asleep and then sneak up on him/her. You may have other ideas for "catching" him/her. Be sure to get hard evidence and put it away where it cannot be destroyed, such as a safe deposit box at the bank. It will come in handy later when he/she tries to blame things on you.

An open and honest relationship has no secrets from each other. There would be no reason why both partners wouldn't have complete transparency into each other's personal email and financial accounts. It would be completely within your right to ask that both write down all passwords to all accounts of every kind. It is necessary in case one spouse dies suddenly anyway. Only a guilty spouse would have a problem with this request (unless it's close to your birthday and he/she is planning a surprise party).

Read my other blogs to see if there are more signs of a cheating spouse as well. Do not reveal yourself to this spouse until you have read through the upcoming posts on safe confrontation. Please feel free to ask questions.

ME WITH MY NUMBER TEN GRANDCHILD