Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, and now 2014, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part three of the survey for LDS Divorced Men.
QUESTIONS 15-20
15. When did your divorce take place?
1. Within a year ago............................................................................16.39%
2. Within the last five years.................................................................44.26%
3. Six to ten years ago.........................................................................14.75%
4. More than eleven years ago............................................................24.59%
.jpg)
16. How set were you financially after the divorce?
1. Very well..........................................................................................4.07%
2. Satisfactory......................................................................................30.89%
3. Barely surviving...............................................................................65.4%
COMMENTS:
1. "We both went from very well off, to living in poverty. I hope it was worth it to her. It was hardly fair to our children."
2. "Not as good as I could have been had we stayed together.. I took some financial aid sooner than I could have to help us out, long before she pulled the plug.. Had I know this was coming, I would have waited and received much more money by taking it later.. So I am forever screwed!"
3. "broke, I lost everything to her. I only had a job and a car and clothes."
4. "My financial situation has been so much better since the divorce than it ever was during out marriage."
5. "Underwater on Monthly expenses...trying to fix up and sell house."
6. "As noted, we never had much to begin with...I had a $10/hr job, and moved back with my parents - but I had no car."
7. "I'm definitely worse off financially, since I earned less than my wife while we were married. But I can pay my bills, so I'm doing okay."
8. "I went from having a well established savings before the marriage to wondering how I was going to pay my bills."
9. "I was making a major career change at the same time as the divorce and was just starting my own business."
10. "I was in commercial lending which was hard hit by the economy and was laid off. When the money started to run out, she took half and left. I struggled until I found new work, and paid all my bills on time and tried to make the best of my situation."
11. "Had to get help from church and salvation army."
12. "Getting better but still tough."
13. "My ex wasn't having control of my finances again was a good thing. She was a financial drain on me during our marriage."
14. "My career was impacted negatively as I tried to salvage my marriage. It's never recovered."
15. "I had a job, she did not and is struggling emotionally from it all, I still carry the burden of the finances till the property sells."
16. "Totally destroyed financially. Attorney of wife violated court orders, cleaned my ex out, spun my costs out of control. A bar complaint against her and she withdrew, but the financial damage and 20 years of house equity were destroyed. Now I have IRS and State Tax challenges, my ex left the state, won't work, won't pay her way, won't reimburse, won't pay child support. Children live with me, she abandoned them. All of these issues, had multiple times that intervention could have happened, but bishops believed that I was the problem, and it took years for them to see the reality, but the damage was done."
17. "I gave all I had to her...then slowly rebuilt."
18. "Bought out of the house, but was still enrolled in grad school."
19. "I lost my job about eight months later and have been unemployed for a year."
20. "foreclosure and bankruptcy."
21. "She stole my identity ran up credit card debt and the filed for divorce after the damage was done."
22. "losing her was a financial boon."
23. "lost jobs spending too much of my time traveling to fix the Marriage."
17. How financially set was your ex-wife after the divorce?
1. Better than me.........................................................................32.50%
2. Very well set...........................................................................14.17%
3. Satisfactory..............................................................................32.50%
4. Not very well..........................................................................15%
5. Barely surviving......................................................................15%
6. I gave her nothing.....................................................................1.6%
COMMENTS:
1. "I was ordered to give her about 68% of my gross income."
2. "It was her choice. I gave her 65% of the 401K and a few items she asked for. I retained the home and vacation condo as she could never afford it. I myself struggle to affford it on my own."
3. "Ex is worth more after divorce than during marriage."
4. "She is Ms.Payday loans... She recently started hitting up my family members for loans."
5. "My ex left me with a huge mortgage on a house that was worth $200,000 less that what was owed due to the realestate down turn. She did not gain much but left debt free."
6. "She doesn't report wage increases to health and welfare, so I continue to pay more for child support."
7. "My ex-wife wasn't about money or posessions, she just needed to break free."
8. "She had a house and car, but no job...though the small alimony I was able to pay her."
9. "She chose a quick Nevada divorce which required her to waive any claim to support.....I split 1 tax refund (only to avoid a huge tax bill to me). We mutually want zero contact with each other and haven't for almost 3 years."
10. "She took in "friends" who then took advantage of her."
11. "Her father's financial over-involvement was also a significant contributor to our breakup."
12. "She had no money management skills. with a good income, she was still constantly out of money. assets were divided in her favor, but she still squandered it."
13. "Don't know. She married twice after."
14. "i had 2 houses and gave her one and all the furniture so as the kids could be fine."
15. "She kept getting fired due to unstable behavior. After almost three years she's finally working at a good job in her field."
16. "I stipulated to carry the marital debt until the property sold. She is struggling emotionally with it all and cannot find work right now. The divorce has hurt her more than me."
17. "She got the house and her daddy paid for most of her legal fees as she said I had raped her. This made him want to destroy me financially. Untrue, but it helped her fund efforts to destroy me."
18. "She never improved upon her situation...I've been paying the mortgage ever since."
19. "she didn't know how to manage money."
20. "I could not afford for them to live with me. She had the house and the money."
21. "she got the house."
22. "She took everything."
18. Who ended up with custody of the children (if applicable)?
1. We have joint custody, they live with her and I have visitation....56.98%
2. We have joint custody, they live with me and she has visitation...16.28%
3. I have sole custody........................................................................11.63%
4. She has sole custody......................................................................15.12%
MOST COMMON COMMENTS:
1. "she had them the first 5 years.....I have had them the last 11 years." "That has now changed after 8 years. My son now lives with me."
2. "We did not have any Kids together. I had 2 and she had 3. Her 3 are sealed to us both." "They were her step children."
3. "They are her children of her previous marriage."
4. "they were old enough, 2 months after the divorce all 4 lived with me." "There were no minor children." "They were all grown and out of the house." "All the children were over 18." "all the children are now married and we have very good relationships."
5. "I have custody of my daughters, she has my son. We both have occasional visitation." "We split custody...she took one and insisted I take the other."
6. "I see my child almost every day." "I see my child almost every day." "there were no limits on visitation rights."
7. "joint custody, 50/50 split." "50/50 split joint custody." "shared custody/legal, live 53/47 mom/dad." "We are supposed to have split 50/50 joint custody. Our child sleeps at my home 5/7ths of ever week." "Shared, equal time at each house." "We have joint cujstody of the minor son and he lives with each of us equally. her during the week. me every weekend." "In WA we have true joint custody. Kids stay with me half week her other half of week." "50/50." "due to Utah's slanted custody laws she got sole custody. ultimately I won joint custody in another states courts." "actually, we have joint physical custody, they go back and forth." "Joint custody, half time at each household."
8. "She had child with boyfriend. Grandparents have custody."
9. "I have sole custody due to her passing."
10. "This was a very sad sad arrangement yet the courts wouldn't give me more time, the family Law system is female basis."
11. "I have sole physical and legal custody. She has visitation." "We have joint custody, but she abandoned the children after getting remarried. Life was generally about her needs first, children secondary. After the divorce, she wanted to change the rules of the decree. I would not allow - holding her to healthy boundaries. She fled."
12. "We were separated for five years prior and the children lived with her. At the time of the divorce only one child was at home. I had visitation but he was an older teenager and was doing most things on his own by then, so there was no enforced visitation schedule. Plus I was working in a different state by then."
13. "Which I attribute to my lack of funds and her ability to vilify me in the eyes of so called officials."
14. "refused to let me see them till last year." "Ran with the kids and has been hiding in different states, filling the kids minds with falsehoods against me. I finally caught up with her and they are having a chance to get to know me better."
19. How financially secure are the children after the divorce?
1. I left no provisions for the children...............................................13.13%
2. Satisfactory...................................................................................63.64%
3. Very well set up I believe.............................................................22.23%
COMMENTS:
1. "I have a college fund set for the child and work hard to make sure she has what she needs and some of what she wants."
2. "I lost my job because I couldn't work overtime. Worked temp agency positions to keep food on table and roof over our heads."
3. "they are making their way admirably..."
4. "We're scraping by. I'm in school and still trying to make inroads back into my career."
5. "I tried to protect the children's bank accounts, but she cleaned them out to pay her attorney after Court Orders to not do so. I caught her in this, but she lied to the Court and was able to steal about 50% of their funds. The court would not hold her to account."
6. "They did have their college paid, if they chose to go."
7. "Learned a lot of bad financial habits from their mother."
8. "Up until I lost my job. The youngest is now on a mission and the rest are married."
9. "Grown-up and on their own."
20. Were you "active" in the church at the time of the divorce?
1. Yes........................................................................................82.79%
2. Somewhat..............................................................................11.48%
3. No...........................................................................................5.74%
No comments:
Post a Comment