LDS DIVORCED MEN SURVEY, Part 4

Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, and now 2014, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part four of the survey for LDS Divorced Men. 

                                       QUESTIONS 21-28

21. How did your ward/stake react to the news of your divorce?

1. Stood behind you, rallied around you for support, very compassionate........32.46%
2. Backed away, treated you differently, acted uncomfortable around you
    or disappeared...............................................................................................49.12%
3. Judged you, gossiped about you, blamed you (whether or not is was
    "your fault."..................................................................................................24.56%
4. You were treated with outward disdain.........................................................14.04%
5. No reaction, no change..................................................................................14.42%

COMMENTS:

1. "I don't really care though."

2. "It was so lonely... I finally moved away and didnt care to ever be there again.. My new Ward is also lonely.. No one knows how to treat older single men in the Church..."

3. "I had just come back into the Church after three years of being absent during the last part of the marriage."

4. "complete jerks, especially the bishop who fell in love with my ex."

5. "per ex, she claims others condemn me."

6. "Only my non-member or inactive neighbors still talk to me now."

7. "It was not publicized so many don't know."

8. "The men treated me about the same but the women that were friends with my ex definitely were much colder. I did not get invited to gatherings they had."

9. "Bishop & Stake President were very supportive.. With a few exceptions, I felt my Ward kept their distance from me. I think this is caused from a culture that simply does not know what to say to someone going through divorce."

10. "She forced a division in the ward so that people were forced to take sides. While I was supported a great deal by ward members it was done quietly because of the open hostility of a portion of the R.S. and tacit approval of the Bishop."

11. "I left that stake and city, and lost contact with all members...from what she has told me, the ward members were both sympathetic to her, and gossping about her...I have no idea what they thought about me."

12. "I think, because they did not know my ex-wife very well, it was easier for them to be supportive."

13. "they stood behind me, but I wouldn't really say that they "rallied around."

14. "I wasn't in that ward long enough to really know people but when they found out my wife left and wasn't coming back they actively avoided me (or at least thats how it felt it may not be true) its why I stopped going to church."

15. "I joined after my divorce. But was an investager during the divorce and they were very good to me."

16. "Relief society treated me as the enemy and believed all the ex's lies. l had to defend myself about getting custody... even saying you were not there and a judge carefully considered the facts."

17. "I was in my bishops office trying to save my marriage while she was moving out of my house. and He knew she was moving.! many betrayals by church leadership during that time."

18. "I was especially shocked at my Bishop and Stake Pres. Although I was the only one active for over a year before the divorce, they took her side. I was called in their offices monthly to go over concerns of my X. They wanted me to cave in and give her everything she was not getting in the courtroom. I was shocked. I would take my girls to church myself and have family prayer etc at home.."

19. "not sure. but my stake president told me to get divorced, we were very good friends."

20. "There were two families in the ward that showed support. The rest? Crickets..."

22. How much information did you let out about your divorce?

1. I didn't tell anybody anything.........................................................10.575
2. I only told my bishop......................................................................34.96%
3. I only told close associates..............................................................46.34%
4. I told anyone who was interested....................................................29.27%
5. I told everyone who would listen.....................................................9.76%

It's hard to know who we can trust during a divorce. 

23. If you confided with your bishop, what kind of support did you receive? 

1. He was very supportive, checked on me regularly......................39.66%

2. He was clearly against the divorce................................................6.03%

3. He did not want to get involved...................................................30.17%

4. Other:...........................................................................................37.93%

24. Did your ward/stake calling change due to your divorce?

1. YES................................................................................52.54%
2. NO..................................................................................47.46%

25. If your calling changed during/after the divorce what calling did you have, and what change was made?

COMMENTS:

NUMBER ONE MOST COMMON ANSWER:
1. 

NUMBER TWO MOST COMMON ANSWER:

NUMBER THREE MOST COMMON ANSWER:

NUMBER FOUR MOST COMMON ANSWER:

NUMBER FIVE MOST COMMON ANSWER:

26. If your calling was changed, what is your opinion of the reasoning behind the change?

1. He was trying to lower my stress level...............................................30.77%
2. He was fearful that you might talk about your divorce........................6.15%
3. He was fearful that you might be dangerous to other's marriages........4.62%
4. It was inspired....................................................................................15.38%
5. Other..................................................................................................56.92%

COMMENTS:

MOST COMMON ANSWER:

SECOND MOST COMMON ANSWER:

THIRD MOST COMMON ANSWER:

FOURTH MOST COMMON ANSWER:

27. If you left your spouse because of infidelity, addiction, or other crimes against the principles of the church, was your spouse brought before a church counsel?

1. YES...............................................................................................19.12%
2. NO.................................................................................................80.88%

28. If your spouse committed a crime against the moral principles of the church, what is her present standing? 

1. Active but holds no callings.........................................................6.33%

2. Active but is on probation............................................................1.27%

3. Active and has callings................................................................25.32%

4. Active and holds high callings of leadership................................1.27%

5. Inactive........................................................................................24.05%

6. Excommunicated or disfellowshipped.........................................10.13%

7. Other:..........................................................................................53.16%

COMMENTS:

1.