Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, and now 2014, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part six of the survey for LDS Divorced Men.
PART 6
QUESTIONS 36-42
36. Looking back, how would you have done things differently during/after the divorce?
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have worked it out instead of getting a divorce."
"I would have stayed married to the irrational wife, and hoped God would make her well after death. Or at least get divorced after the children were grown." "I would have tried harder to deal with her bipolar irrationality...for the kids sake, if nothing else." "I would have tried harder to stay together." "Maybe fought harder to keep it going." "Did the best I could to save the marriage." .....and more.......
"Would not change a thing." "I have done the best I could and always look to do the right thing even in the face of adversity. Not perfectly but try to find the best course of action." "There was almost nothing I could have done, unless it was to stand up for myself and confront her within the first 2 months of marriage...(or tell my family) both of which would have caused more problems, or be dismissed as adjustment problems in a new marriage. We NEVER had money for counseling, she didn't trust LDS Social Services as being truly trained/competent for marriage counseling, nor did she want to talk with the bishop about this, fearful of starting gossip about us/her." "My Stake President told me I was more than charitable and my new Stake President told me I passed with flying colors. My Bishop told me to just move on. I waited a year to tell my siblings who all lived out of town, hoping she'd be more apt to come back if they didn't know. Looking back, I should have told them right away like I did my local church leaders. My brothers were all very supportive and more helpful than I thought they'd ever be. I wasted a year in the healing process. Nothing...I did all that was asked of me of Heavenly Father and beyond. Many non members ask why I put up with it for so long." "no. i do not think so. i have often thought that if i truly loved i should not have divorced her, but she would not stop and so i made the decision to divorce. after she received the summon she was angry and said if you really loved me you would never have divorced me. i said i did love her but i need to get on with my life now, she had ample time to get back. i had a church lawyer handle my case and he said divorce her." "Would do the same, but pray extra hard for the Lord's help."....and more....
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "Child custody issues."
"Gotten joint custody of my daughter" "I would have had physical joint custody." "Focused more on my children before they moved to be with their mother" "I would have paid for an attorney. I thought that I could do it on my own, but soon afterward, she took advantage of some provisions and my lack of understanding, and moved the kids out of state and got sole legal custody." "I should have fought harder for the custody of my kids," "I would have fought harder for sole custody to protect my kids more." "Raising two kids alone has been difficult. We go to church but we miss a lot with one of us having sniffles or something more serious a fair amount of time." "I would have become the greatest father/mother figure in their lives - concentrating on their needs and not dating until they were 18." .......and more........
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have spoken up/ kept it to myself"
"I would have been more open." "I would have been more assertive, stand up for my rights. I think I was still in love and didn't want to burn any bridges." "I SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP FOR MYSELF MORE. I WAS CONCERNED WITH HOW THINGS WOULD BE FOR MY EX AFTER OUR DIVORCE, SHE WAS NOT CONCERNED ABOUT ME, SHE WAS ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT HERSELF. I LET MYSELF BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF." "I think I would tell more people about what was going on. But other than that, I don't really know what to change. Nothing I did seemed to have any effect on anything." "I was too patient and too forgiving. I should have told her to get her act together." "Absolutely! I would have confronted her sooner." ""Been wiser as to whom I told the reasons," "Not told anyone about it. Just my parents and Bishop." .......and more.........
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have involved the church more/less"
"Would not have fell away for the three years leading up to the divorce." "Not gone to the bishop." "I would never have quit going to church. I would have held the scriptures closer by reading them every day. I would have been more diligent with daily personal prayer. Real prayer, getting down on my knees rather than the informal prayers that I tried to rely on." "I wouldn't have let it affect my church attendance. I moved into an awesome ward and didn't know it for 18 months because I went inactive." "During, would have brought leadership in for negotiation rather or supplemental to attorneys."
"Wish I had saved up more money for a better Lawyer and also not trusted in My Bishop for help...he let me down when I needed the Church the most." "I would have fought for a bishops court to call the lies out and to get her into help. The court could have ordered mental health interventions, but did not... the system is broken, laws are disregarded and women are given upper hand. Facts are disregarded if towards a woman, but if towards a man, the book is thrown at them. Not sure what I could have done differently. When I finally agreed to the divorce, she then opposed it, told the judge that if he allowed the divorce that I would start to date... he slammed his gavel down and declared us as a bifurcated divorce.. he took control away from her and I was very glad about that... it made my ex father in law livid... gave me freedom. She got into trouble with some men she was dating... not sure anything happened on a church level... as I did not pry into her life. She remarried a good man, he has been duped and now is starting to see her patterns of abuse... his kindness to me has turned more into disdain as he has been sucked into her web. I represented myself prose the last two years and that's when the tide turned in my favor..." .....and more.........
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have gotten out sooner"
"I would have filed early Nd kicked her out," "I should have let her do it 5 years ealier, instead of trying onesided to fix it. Who forgets the 25th aniversary? Not me, but she had other plans." "Gotten divorced sooner." "Moved on faster! Lol! I and my current wife are still real good friends with my ex even though there are no children from the marriage! She since, worked out her problems with her family and apologized for the infidelity. I forgave her." ""I would have gotten out much earlier." "done it 12 years earlier." "I would have started the divorce much sooner and trusted her much less." "I would have filed instead of letting her do it, then I could have wrapped it up faster." "just done it sooner." and more..........
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have worked on my issues so she'd stay"
"tried to control my temper a little more so hopefully she doesn't file" "I would have been gentler, kinder, more loving and conciliatory. When she declared "This time I mean it!" I took her at her word and believed her. With that mind-set I missed and ruined the opportunities for reconciliation that appeared in the following months before I moved away." "Quit drinking." "I really don't know for sure. Maybe started on anti-depressants sooner and stayed on them." "During the divorce, I was being stupid, but my brother helped inspire me to repent, and return to The Lord. After the divorce, things have steadily been improving. Now if only I could get a job." "I would have kept the standards of the church. It would has been better than repenting." "Looking back, I would not have cheated. I would have had a more in-depth conversation with my wife about the marriage and worked on getting her to open up and communicate more."........and more.......
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: Dating related
"I would have been more careful on who I dated - saved more money, etc." "Would not have started dating for at LEAST two years." "I would have been wiser about the time to start dating again." "I would have become the greatest father/mother figure in their lives - concentrating on their needs and not dating until they were 18." and more............
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: Divorce handling/money
"I would have asked for a mental evaluation." "I probably handled things as best I could. Had I pressed for a more equitable settlement I likely could have gotten one but the settlement allowed me to get the divorce finalized and get on with life and healing." "I wouldn't have given her any money." "Gone to work more, fight more for parental rights and got back in school ASAP." "I would have paid for an attorney. I thought that I could do it on my own, but soon afterward, she took advantage of some provisions and my lack of understanding, and moved the kids out of state and got sole legal custody." "I should have fought harder for the custody of my kids," and more.............
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have sought counseling"
"I would have sought help IMMEDIATELY when I realized anything was setting. Hindsight!" "Sought more help / other fam therapists, her fam, other, to help defuse." "Gotten counseling earlier." "I would of tried counseling-despite knowing she was set in her ways and very controlling." and more...........
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: Dating related
"I would have been more careful on who I dated - saved more money, etc." "Would not have started dating for at LEAST two years." "I would have been wiser about the time to start dating again." "I would have become the greatest father/mother figure in their lives - concentrating on their needs and not dating until they were 18." and more............
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: Divorce handling/money
"I would have asked for a mental evaluation." "I probably handled things as best I could. Had I pressed for a more equitable settlement I likely could have gotten one but the settlement allowed me to get the divorce finalized and get on with life and healing." "I wouldn't have given her any money." "Gone to work more, fight more for parental rights and got back in school ASAP." "I would have paid for an attorney. I thought that I could do it on my own, but soon afterward, she took advantage of some provisions and my lack of understanding, and moved the kids out of state and got sole legal custody." "I should have fought harder for the custody of my kids," and more.............
A MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I would have sought counseling"
"I would have sought help IMMEDIATELY when I realized anything was setting. Hindsight!" "Sought more help / other fam therapists, her fam, other, to help defuse." "Gotten counseling earlier." "I would of tried counseling-despite knowing she was set in her ways and very controlling." and more...........
OTHER:
"I had to get away from her in order for me to grow. Moved out of state 12 yrs after the divorce and the children were married and on their own. To grow quicker I could have moved sooner, but I had made a commitment to make all the repairs on the house till a certain time." "Killed her." ""I feel any way we make a choice, God get's us through it if we stay with his path....." "I may have made it too easy for her." "Not sure if I would have. I learned a great deal about myself and who I am through that process. I am looking at the reasons it was possibly set in motion for that to happen. He knew us each before we ever came here. He knew what type of person we each were destined to be. Some of those are those that choose divorce over working through the rough spots no matter how long. Some of us would not. and had I not gone through that I would have never discovered that about myself." "Probably not gotten married to her. She had too many issues that were unsolvable in her life before I met her and knew about them..." "never have got married." "If I knew that I would still be married." "I would not have married her." "moved to another ward. I thought we could make this work because it's the true church and her life choices would probably take her somewhere else like her girlfriends church." "Never got married." and more............
"I had to get away from her in order for me to grow. Moved out of state 12 yrs after the divorce and the children were married and on their own. To grow quicker I could have moved sooner, but I had made a commitment to make all the repairs on the house till a certain time." "Killed her." ""I feel any way we make a choice, God get's us through it if we stay with his path....." "I may have made it too easy for her." "Not sure if I would have. I learned a great deal about myself and who I am through that process. I am looking at the reasons it was possibly set in motion for that to happen. He knew us each before we ever came here. He knew what type of person we each were destined to be. Some of those are those that choose divorce over working through the rough spots no matter how long. Some of us would not. and had I not gone through that I would have never discovered that about myself." "Probably not gotten married to her. She had too many issues that were unsolvable in her life before I met her and knew about them..." "never have got married." "If I knew that I would still be married." "I would not have married her." "moved to another ward. I thought we could make this work because it's the true church and her life choices would probably take her somewhere else like her girlfriends church." "Never got married." and more............
37. Have you since remarried?
1. No, but interested in doing so................................................63.20%
2. No, not interested...................................................................13.60%
3. No, interested, but not to an LDS woman...............................2.40%
4. Yes, but married into another bad situation.............................7.20%
5. Yes, very happily married......................................................10.40%
6. Yes, multiple times..................................................................5.60%
7. No, just co-habitating..............................................................1.60%
COMMENTS:
1. "No, but when the kids are raised and the time is right, I might consider it with the right woman."
2. "I'm not likely to remarry. If I did, it would definitely NOT be an LDS woman."
3. "I have looked around at dating websites but its too much."
4. "Am VERY interested in finding a faithful LDS woman."
5. "I probably won't do another temple wedding though."
6. "Currently engaged."
7. "No, not anytime soon. Had my first date last night."
8. "its a possibility but will see."
9. "She made promises that she would move from her home town to be with me and my kids. But instead she moved 1,500 miles further. She wanted me to move away from my kids and it was just a lie from the beginning. I knew it though but I took a chance and lost."
10. "Not ready to date yet ---- still healing"
11. "no; not particularly interested. But might consider it. I have co-habited on occasion."
12. "I've had 8 years of not very good experiences with LDS women, tired of the entitlement attitudes I've come across and the judging etc etc."
13. "Yes, one year after my divorce, I had been seeing her a year prior to the divorce when my ex-wife found out. That is what caused the divorce along with bad habits of porn and lying."
14. "Where are emotionally healthy women who are passionate about life and love... I mostly find broken and abused women... who are trying to heal. Pretty ones have been abused, homely ones have been overlooked- both have self-worth, self-esteem issues. Don't understand why the Church does not have a good mechanism in place to meet others around common interests. Rather they group by age... I have an 8 yr old. I am 51 and want more children.. I have been put out to pasture with the women who might be able to bear children. Dances... totally broken... turn lights down.. music up, get hormones raging, no chance to talk, see red flags, and this leads to more broken relationships... We need social activities around common areas of interest and to screen out those with mental health issues... this problem is the largest facing the church..."
15. "divorced again but still friends with second wife."
16. "Yes, and was in a great relationship and then she cheated as well."
17. "If there is anyone in this telestial realm that I can trust."
18. "each went inactive in the church."
and more..............
38. If you have not yet married, what is your hope of doing so?
1. No hope or desire to................................................................13.13%
2. Some hope...............................................................................21.21%
3. Hopeful....................................................................................26.26%
4. Very hopeful............................................................................29.29%
2. Some hope...............................................................................21.21%
3. Hopeful....................................................................................26.26%
4. Very hopeful............................................................................29.29%
COMMENTS:
1. "hopefully, when God is ready!!!"
2. "I have chosen to remain faithful to the covenant I made in the Temple to my chosen Eternal Companion. If she ever chooses to see the light and wants to come back with repentance I can not see myself blocking the way for her to do so. She has left the church for now and will likely never request a sealing cancellation. I will NEVER do that as well."
3. "difficult for me to open up to another woman after ex tore my soul."
4. "I feel a need to provide absolute financial security for a future spouse."
5. "goes back and forth, some days just don't think it likely due to baggage (age, looks, personality, kids, living style/location (small city), etc."
6. "I don't believe in hope. I believe in action."
7. "I want to remarry at some point in the future but am still very afraid of ending up in another abusive relationship."
8. "One day..."
9. "Not a lot of temple worthy people who intrest me."
10. "I definitely want to find someone who lives Church standards. Very important for me to date by the Spirit to help make this happen."
11. "I would like to, but I don't think I will find any sane woman that would be interested in me."
12. "Its hard trying to find someone that you're compatible with and doesn't mind your children."
13. "when the timing and person is right I will. I have been very happily single, and refuse to remarry just to fit the normal life criteria."
14. "Dated an LDS girl today.."
15. "not in a hurry actually."
16. "Prospects are slim... but hopeful"
17. "Maybe after the kids are raised and I don't have to focus on them but even then I may not remarry I am pretty content with just being a Dad for now."
18. "I'm married to God now."
19. "I waited the right amount of time."
20. "desire to, but not much hope."
21. "it took a long time to want to again, 10 years."
and more..........
39. Do you feel like you have recovered from the affects of the divorce?
 |
| Divorce can be a maddening experience that takes time to recover from. |
1. Very much so, better than before...........................................20%
2. Yes, I feel recovered..............................................................30.80%
3. Sometimes I feel recovered....................................................28%
4. Seldom do I feel recovered......................................................8%
5. Never do I feel recovered.......................................................8.8%
6. I am receiving counseling/therapy through the church...........1.6%
7. I am receiving counseling/therapy through private means......4%
COMMENTS:
1. "yes!! God is great..."
2. "The consequences are eternal...for myself and my children."
3. "The Savior came to me and soothed my broken, torn apart heart and replace the part that had been torn out, with a part of His heart.. And I was healed !!!"
4. "Good days and bad days just like a roller coaster, as time passes the more I find out about my ex and what she is currently doing these days upsets so much that I feel I take 2 steps backward for every 1 step of progress of releasing my feelings for her."
5. "It's an abuse relationship with the ex (uses kids as a tool). It won't be over awhile."
6. "It took some time."
7. "I went to counseling (through private means) for a year before and a year after the divorce was final for a total of 2 years."
8. "I will get there..."
9. "One child is getting counseling for depression resulting from the divorce."
10. "It took me several years to get over it."
11. "It is all a period of personal development."
12. "Well, since I already had someone, it really did not affect me all that much, I just moved on."
13. "Therapy is done, peace is ours... but its the gift that keeps on giving. Hard on children who have been abandoned by their mother, but actually better to be away from her patterns of abuse... very difficult for them. I am grateful she moved away for my sanity... relationships with those who have mental health issues is vexying, and misunderstood. Borderline/ Narcisstic Personality Disorders are rampant."
14. "Took years because I was my own therapist. Now I am free of much of the baggage I carried."
15. "I'm happier but not totally healed."
16. "However, I need to overcome trust issues with women."
17. "I feel recovered and look forward to a new relationship, but I don't want to get into another bad relationship."
......and more......
40. What kind of social support system did you have outside of the church?
1. Lots of family..............................................................................24.80%
2. Some family................................................................................47.20%
3. No family.....................................................................................8.8%
4. Lots of friends.............................................................................20%
5. Some friends...............................................................................56%
6. No friends...................................................................................10.40%
7. Professional help.........................................................................20%
8. Internet friends and family...........................................................15.20%
9. Other...........................................................................................12.80%
COMMENTS:
1. "GOD!!!!"
2. "close select friends some whom are married, divorce or single to offer support and advice"
3. "Support in the beginning. No support now."
4. "My closest family lives 12 hours away by car so I had to rely mostly on friends outside of the church for support/listening ear."
5. "my two cats and the dear Lord, myself."
6. "Some coworkers/bosses."
7. "Everyone has been very supportive."
8. "strangers often listened when LDS members would not."
9. "next to none - new in town, new job, kept to myself."
10. "The dancing community I am a part of helped a lot."
11. "No close family locally that could help. Two friends."
12. "Very little.. family got tired of listening. Would only confide selectively... very painful to be alone... professionals wanted money.. very insincere at times..."
13. "I could have relied more on family - siblings and parents - than I did."
14. "Bishop and Parents."
15. "Alcohol."
16. "My new ward has been great, as examples of discipleship, and as accepting supporters." .....and more......
 |
| You will need a good support group to lean on..... |
41. Do you feel like you discovered who your true friends were in this process?
1. Yes..............................................................................59.17%
2. No...............................................................................16.67%
3. Maybe.........................................................................24.17%
COMMENTS:
1. "There are NONE!"
2. "Made many friends in the church mid singles groups."
3. "I have hardly heard from any of my friends."
4. "I already knew who they were."
5. "A majority of our friends have stood by me and helped in ways both great and small."
6. "already knew."
7. "My ex chased away a lot of my friends, so when it happened, I was out of contact with many of them."
8. "I learn that the Relief Society would ignore my children just punish me based on lies."
9. "Shocked at how many ward members believed the false alligations of my x wife and her family."
10. "did grow closer to my mother."
11. "I've always known who my true friends were. The divorce process only reinforced what I already felt."
12. "Very few true friends."
13. "I was very surprised how little help I got from church and especially family."
14. "I did not feel like I owned my friends some struggled but some didn't but all in all they were all pretty good."
15. "God is always a true friend."
16. "I didn't sense much change in friends."
17. "It has been starkly obvious."
18. "defintiely wasn't church members to my shock."
19. "I ALREADY KNEW." .........and more.........
 |
| Friends can make any situation better, or worse by their abandonment..... |
42. How could your family have served you better while you were going through this trial?
1. Regular phone calls, texts, emails to check on you......................40%
2. Lunch/dinner/activities...time spent with you...............................20%
3. Come to court with you and "hold your hand".............................4.8%
4. Send notes, meals, etc...................................................................3.2%
5. A listening ear..............................................................................36%
6. Other...........................................................................................51.2%
COMMENTS:
FIRST MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "They were great!"
"My family was great." "They were fine." "My family was great. They listened, they called, they are very supportive of me." "they did great." "They did all these things. They were perfectly supportive." "My family was very supportive - I wouldn't change anything." "They were amazingly supportive." "My family (brothers) were very supportive. They were all great." "They were fantastic and helpful. They keep me sane." "very pleased with the support I received." "Those whom I feel close to in my family were as "there for me" as they could be. I couldn't ask for more, even if they couldn't physically help much." "They were always there." "Family was good." "they couldn't have done any more, they were fantastic." "I think I got the right amount of support from family." "They've mostly been pretty helpful, once they could accept the facts." "My family was great-- particularly a brother who had divorced." ......and more...........
SECOND MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I don't have family"
"close family were either dead or in other states." "My family are not members and live in another state." "almost all of my family have passed away...I am on a Island all to myself when it comes to family... I'm really alone." "had been closer at that time I was living over 1000 miles away." "I really don't have a relationship with my family." "My family are not members." "I have no family around." ............and more...............
THIRD MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I should have leaned on them more"
"they were pretty good it was I who could or should have asked for more help but didn't." "I think any would have tried to help, but I mainly kept to myself about it except for parents, close friends and bishops." "They didn't know what to do, I guess they were probably waiting for me to ask for help." "I pulled inward, I should have let them help me." "Looking back, I should have leaned on them more." "it would have helped me get through if I could have let myself lean on them."
..........and more.............
FOURTH MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "They could have shown more interest"
"Encourage reconciliation, rather than helping Satan divide and separate." "my extended family are NOT church members so no big deal to them." "It'd would have been helpful if they were more keyed into picking up clues that something was wrong...and tried to contact me about it." "Could have been more honest with me before, during and after my marriage." "just trying to understand." "Just by being more present and interested." "They did not understand how hard it is to go through the breaking up of my family and were too busy with their own lives." ............and more...........
FIFTH MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I didn't involve them"
"It is not their responsibility to fix me," "They live too far away to help much and have their own issues." "my family is very anti church so they was sorta happy." "They've been through enough, I kept less people out of it which is better." "Nothing they could do." "I didn't want to talk to anyone in my family but ended up talking to anyone who would listen." "It was me that could have done better, not them." "They were too judgmental, so I stayed away from them and dealt with it myself." "They had been fooled by her all along and could be of no help, so I kept them out of it." "I couldn't handle their drama too." ............and more............
RANDOM VALUABLE ANSWERS: "I wish they had......."
"Helped with court costs." "Not gossiped about my divorce." "be friendly and not make me talk about it." "shown undrstanding and compassion." "Difficult question... many of my sisters-in-law turned against me as my ex had fed them lies over many years... some of whom still regard me as I have the plague. Its a private matter, and keeping gossip at a minimum required silence on my part and weathering the storm, but the adversary has a hey day isolating and destroying. I have a good friend who called today.. going through similar battles. His ex, was able to get him left out of confirming his son to the priesthood... used her father in laws clout as a high councilman to sneak in an ordination when the dad was not around. Bishop fell for it... these patterns need to stop, bishops need to learn about mental health issues and to hold members to be honest." "removed their blinding curse." "Set up a future dating pool!"............and more..........
"My family was great." "They were fine." "My family was great. They listened, they called, they are very supportive of me." "they did great." "They did all these things. They were perfectly supportive." "My family was very supportive - I wouldn't change anything." "They were amazingly supportive." "My family (brothers) were very supportive. They were all great." "They were fantastic and helpful. They keep me sane." "very pleased with the support I received." "Those whom I feel close to in my family were as "there for me" as they could be. I couldn't ask for more, even if they couldn't physically help much." "They were always there." "Family was good." "they couldn't have done any more, they were fantastic." "I think I got the right amount of support from family." "They've mostly been pretty helpful, once they could accept the facts." "My family was great-- particularly a brother who had divorced." ......and more...........
SECOND MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I don't have family"
"close family were either dead or in other states." "My family are not members and live in another state." "almost all of my family have passed away...I am on a Island all to myself when it comes to family... I'm really alone." "had been closer at that time I was living over 1000 miles away." "I really don't have a relationship with my family." "My family are not members." "I have no family around." ............and more...............
THIRD MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I should have leaned on them more"
"they were pretty good it was I who could or should have asked for more help but didn't." "I think any would have tried to help, but I mainly kept to myself about it except for parents, close friends and bishops." "They didn't know what to do, I guess they were probably waiting for me to ask for help." "I pulled inward, I should have let them help me." "Looking back, I should have leaned on them more." "it would have helped me get through if I could have let myself lean on them."
..........and more.............
FOURTH MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "They could have shown more interest"
"Encourage reconciliation, rather than helping Satan divide and separate." "my extended family are NOT church members so no big deal to them." "It'd would have been helpful if they were more keyed into picking up clues that something was wrong...and tried to contact me about it." "Could have been more honest with me before, during and after my marriage." "just trying to understand." "Just by being more present and interested." "They did not understand how hard it is to go through the breaking up of my family and were too busy with their own lives." ............and more...........
FIFTH MOST FREQUENT ANSWER: "I didn't involve them"
"It is not their responsibility to fix me," "They live too far away to help much and have their own issues." "my family is very anti church so they was sorta happy." "They've been through enough, I kept less people out of it which is better." "Nothing they could do." "I didn't want to talk to anyone in my family but ended up talking to anyone who would listen." "It was me that could have done better, not them." "They were too judgmental, so I stayed away from them and dealt with it myself." "They had been fooled by her all along and could be of no help, so I kept them out of it." "I couldn't handle their drama too." ............and more............
RANDOM VALUABLE ANSWERS: "I wish they had......."
"Helped with court costs." "Not gossiped about my divorce." "be friendly and not make me talk about it." "shown undrstanding and compassion." "Difficult question... many of my sisters-in-law turned against me as my ex had fed them lies over many years... some of whom still regard me as I have the plague. Its a private matter, and keeping gossip at a minimum required silence on my part and weathering the storm, but the adversary has a hey day isolating and destroying. I have a good friend who called today.. going through similar battles. His ex, was able to get him left out of confirming his son to the priesthood... used her father in laws clout as a high councilman to sneak in an ordination when the dad was not around. Bishop fell for it... these patterns need to stop, bishops need to learn about mental health issues and to hold members to be honest." "removed their blinding curse." "Set up a future dating pool!"............and more..........
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| When going through tough trials, it helps the minimize the craziness to be able to lean on friends and family. |
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