SURVEY RESULTS FOR DIVORCED LDS WOMEN, part 2

DIVORCE=HEART BREAK

Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part two of the survey for LDS Divorced women. 

QUESTIONS 6-10

6. HOW LARGE OF A TRIAL WAS THIS FOR YOU?

• The worst trial of my life.....................................65.7%
• A definite trial, but I've had worse.......................30.3%
• Not a big deal........................................................4.0%
• A delightful experience.........................................0.0%

7. DID YOU EVER HAVE THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE OR RUNNING 

    AWAY DURING THE DIVORCE? 

• No, not ever..........................................................56.1%
• Suicide...................................................................11.0%
• Running away........................................................13.3%
• Both suicide and running away..............................19.7%

8. WHAT WERE THE AGES OF YOUR CHILDREN (if any) WHEN

GOING THROUGH THE DIVORCE?

• Infants....................................................................17.8%
• Toddlers/Preschool.................................................30.7%
• Elementary school ages...........................................51.5%
• Jr. High School.......................................................41.1%
• High School............................................................45.4%
• Young Adults/College............................................24.5%
• Married/Older Single Adults...................................12.9%

9. DURING THE DIVORCE I:

• Kept my emotions to myself putting on a brave 

           front.....................................................................32.6%

• Showed my emotions to close associates only......48.6%
• Was free with my emotions..................................13.7%
• Withdrew from society and kept to myself...........22.3%
• Clung to friends and family for support...............36.6%

10. WHAT WERE THE RESULTS FROM THIS APPROACH?

• I had a hard time with this. I wanted so much to be understood & supported. I have an awesome family, friends, and ward who buoyed me up a lot. I struggled with deep depression for my loss. I realized that in some ways death (being widowed) was more socially acceptable. At least that way there wasn't a big huge rejection sign that went with it & people would have been more understanding about taking a little time off of work to deal with it.
• At times, it helped to withdraw. It's hard for people to understand what I was and am going through. My friends and family were a huge support. Couldn't do it without them. In the beginning it was hard to keep my emotions in check, it's getting easier.
• Other people always wanted details
• Depression, anxiety, eventually fibromyalgia
• pain and isolation, loneliness
• I felt like I was in prison.
• Having a close friend to hash out my feelings made it easier!
• Low self-esteem
• Support from family, rejection from Priesthood Leaders, Mixed reactions from friends.
• I felt very alone

• A lot of emotional support when I was brave enough to reach out. Many times I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems though.
• It brought me closer to some people. Some people abused the trust and made it harder for me to trust people.
• Survival with some sanity intact.
• It kept me positive. It was necessary due to being a new nursing mom.
•  got support from people, but some people thought it was too much.
• It was helpful to have someone I really trusted to talk to about everything and allowed me to have day-to-day interactions with other people without being a complete mess.
• I gained emotional maturity and learned temperance.
• I hid everything until my ex moved out to have more free time with his girlfriend. When that happened, I began telling people closest to me that he was having an affair. I wanted to protect my husband. I didn't want my family to think ill of him or to judge me for choosing him. It turns out, they were very supportive and I wish I'd talked to them earlier- not that it would have saved the marriage, but I would have been able to draw from their strength those three months that I knew about the affair before he moved out.
• Being alone was hard, but putting my trust in the Lord and a few close friends was beneficial. I didn't feel like I needed to blast my ex-spouse in public.
• I'm still withdrawn somewhat, and I don't trust people very much. I don't open myself emotionally to many people.
• became inactive in church due to prejudices expressed by priesthood leaders who did not have the skills to handle the situation when I sought help
• Great support from family and church, some difficulties coping with the change and with my own self-worth.
  
  

• people didn't know what was going on & probably though I just walked out on a good marriage because they didn't know what my life was really like
• I learned to cling to the Lord.
• Disastrous... Most people in my life (which was 99% LDS church) couldn't handle me being "real." Not pretty.
• Had a breakdown after 2 years
• I allowed myself to feel and feel and feel in hopes to get all the feelings out! It worked.
• I tried all three of the above marked methods. Nobody knows what happened and how it affects you and your children but the Lord. I turned to him for help and guidance. I needed answers that were the best for me.
• I now have no close friends
• Needed therapy.
• Im still here
• I recieved wonderful and wise council from those who had been through a divorce and felt love from so many who really cared for me. By only sharing with those who I trusted I insulated myself from those who would critize me and gossip about me. I counciled with my bishop and a trusted therapist and my Heavenly Father. I drew strength from them when making the hardest decision on my life.

There were hundreds more comments that fell along the same themes. I think you get the idea. It's a hard game to play alone.