Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part three of the survey for LDS Divorced women.
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QUESTIONS 11-15
11. DID YOUR MARRIAGE EFFECT YOUR HEALTH?
- Very Much………………………………………..46.9%
- Somewhat………………………………….……..39.4%
- Not at all…………………………………...……..13.7%
12. WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDREN'S REACTION?
- Anger at you………………………...………..17.0%
- Anger at your spouse…………………………23.0%
- Anger at both you and your spouse……..........18.8%
- Became distant, moody, kept to themselves….24.2%
- Became rebellious, got into trouble……..........24.8%
- Grades dropped in school, participation in activities dropped…………………………......................26.7%
- Stopped going to church…………………..….23.6%
- Gained or significant weight loss……………....9.1%
- Started experimenting with drugs/alcohol…....12.7%
- Ran away from home…………………………..5.5%
- Took sides with one of the parents…………...18.2%
- No changes at all……………………...………..4.8%
- They were glad for the change……………......29.1%
- They improved their attitudes and happiness...18.2%
- They began to thrive………………………….18.2%
- Other……...................................................…31%
- my youngest (during the age of 4-6) digressed with potty training00bed wetting and then peeing pants during the day
- 3 children all different reactions. But he placed blame on me continually because I moved out after he and his daughter beat me again, and found myself in bed for three days from the physical pain that came from it. it has taken a lot to teach my son that it is not ok to hit girls. and now he has taken the children from me.
- Sad that we both weren't around.
- hard to separate from ill effects from a hostile parent
- Required some therapy for years of abuse
- one stopped going to church, little contact with either of us, moved in with boyfriend...the other thrived, went to church even though his dad didn't & is now on a mission
- My youngest son expressed to me several years after the divorce that he wanted to have a "normal" family like everyone else in the church. (he was 14 at the time)
- 5 kids... One thrived, two rebelled, two became happier/ more at peace.
- mproved t first, angry and rebellious as teenagers, stopped going to church as teenagers
- My toddler couldn't understand why her Daddy went away and it did effect her with him being gone. Sleeplessness, looking for vehicles that looked like his, sadness when other kid were playing with their dads. It was as teenagers and young adults that there were mixed changes. I never bad mouthed him. He was just sporadic in their life. They at least didn't have to be on a yoyo of if he was there or not. He was not but at least it was a known factor. I believe having his influence and habits out of their lives let them thrive and gave them a chance at happiness. It was as teens that they started to question him and be angry and act out at his not being there, the excuses he gave, and his behaviors. He still isn't much a part of their life, but they both took many years and worked through their anger and put it aside.
- After the "mourning" period was over, perhaps as much as a year, my youngest son who is still at home did much better. Our home was peaceful and free from the contention of a dying marriage. He has expressed his gratitude for this, though having his parents separated is still hard for him.
- Felt completely rejected Luke they had done something to cause it. "why can't a dad just love me"
- The children who lived with us weren't surprised-they'd seen us falling apart for years. The one who was the most shocked was the married one who didn't see the day to day non-interaction between my spouse and I.
- we sought counseling, which helped the second-grader
- All five were newly wed saw our marriage as basically ideal because of the dishonesty and secrecy of my spouse, my kids especially the youngest who had only been married a few months and was looking at our marriage as the kind of marriage he wanted
- My daughter completely fell apart and felt betrayed by church members, some of it justified, some of it not.
- It made them grow up faster than they should have to, but made it through ok, maybe a little more responsible than if he hadn't had to go through the pain of tearing their hearts in two. The youngest (5 at the time) still struggles with issues since we were pretty involved in the divorce instead of in raising him.
- Sadness, depression.
- More confusion and hurt, than anger. The youngest was too young... The oldest blamed me because I was the one to move them away.
- They were relieved.
- They went through stages. They are mature, capable, and accountable individuals because of the experience.
- BECAME MORE ACTIVE IN CHURCH, NOTHING CHANGED AT HOME SINCE I WAS TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS ALREADY 100%
- THEY GANGED UP ON ME WITH THEIR FATHER BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL THEM WHY I WAS LEAVING HIM, SO HE MADE STUFF UP AGAINST ME
- More insecurity and emotional. They put on brave faces but struggled privately
- THEY FELT I DESERVED BETTER
- one daughter became gay. At least he told the children the truth of his affairs & lies, they were very angry, felt betrayed (he was in the bishopric), and were very supportive of me.
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| CHILDREN CASUALTIES OF DISCORD IN MARRIAGES |
13. WHEN DID YOUR DIVORCE TAKE PLACE?
- Within a year ago……………………………….8.7%
- Within the last five years………………………38.2%
- Six to ten years ago…………....……………….23.7%
- More than eleven years ago………..…………..29.5%
14. HOW SET WERE YOU FINANCIALLY AFTER THE DIVORCE?
- Very well……………………….……………….3.4%
- Satisfactory……………………….……………21.3%
- Barely surviving…………………………...…..55.7%
- No help at all……………………….…………..17.8%
- I had to help him………………………...………1.7%
15.A-WERE YOU "ACTIVE" IN THE CHURCH AT THE TIME OF THE DIVORCE?
- Yes……………………………………………91.4%
- No……………………………………….……..8.6%
B-WERE YOU "ACTIVE" AFTER THE DIVORCE?
- Yes……………………………………………13.8%
- Yes but had to change wards…………………16.4%
- No…………………………………………..…69.8%
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