SURVEY RESULTS FOR LDS DIVORCED WOMEN, part 5

Over the major part of 2012 and 2013, divorced members of the LDS faith participated in a multi-national survey. Respondents included members residing in the U.S., Europe, the British Isles, New Zealand, and Canada, the majority of input coming from Utah, California, and Idaho. This is part five of the survey for LDS Divorced women. 

                        QUESTIONS 24-28

24. WERE YOUR HOME-TEACHERS CHANGED   
       DURING/AFTER YOUR DIVORCE?

• No change..................................................39.2%
• Yes, to a couple of very helpful brethren....4.8%
• Yes, to an "older" brother............................8.4%
• Yes, to a married couple..............................9.0%
• Other....Comments......................................38.6%

A SMALL SAMPLE OF "OTHER" COMMENTS:

1. NUMBER ONE ANSWER: Had some occasionally before, but haven't had any since.
2. NUMBER TWO ANSWER: Yes, because I moved. 
3. to a secret service agent and his 12 year old son. My daughter and I don't feel comfortable asking for blessing with his son there. I don't feel I can ever discuss any real concerns I have in front of a 12 year old boy
4. Changed to the Bishop
5. Yes, twice, and they both only came once and tried to tell me to not get divorced.
6. Home teacher was instructed to not speak about what was happening/ what had happened. Was also instructed to not do anything for me or my children that their father had previously done. No blessings, household help, no service projects.
7. I moved, but was assigned High Priests as they are over the widowed and divorced. Or I think they are. When my son was in his teens they assigned from the Elders Quorum as I had asked for someone who had a good report with teens and could be a good example for him.
8. yes, and then I asked for my old home teachers
9. My bishop and his wife were my home and visiting teachers, and they were the best thing that could have happened durimg the divorce.
10. I was able to have them for the first time
11. I had a great home teacher whose companion was changed.
12. A FREQUENT ANSWER: My HT were changed frequently. The bishop did not trust single sisters not to become inappropriate with HT.
13. I asked for different home teachers.
14. To a bishopric member who was aware of the delicate circumstances
15. Never was visited again, I was told that they would be changing him because "a married man could not visit a single woman", but never saw a home teacher again.
16. I went from having a member of the bishopric (before divorce) to the oldest man (in his late 80's) in the ward (after divorce). Every month he preached to me that a woman had no right to leave a man, for any reason. I stopped letting him come. 

25. DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR HOME-TEACHERS

      WERE HELPFUL?

• Yes, very supportive and compassionate.......28.9%
• Somewhat.......................................................28.3%
• Not at all.........................................................16.9%
• Never came.....................................................25.3%
• Other....comments..........................................10.8%

A SMALL SAMPLE OF "OTHER" COMMENTS:

1. never had any. still dont to this day.
2. I really needed help cleaning out the house and getting rid of stuff. They did help me move, though.
3. Felt like I had the plague. Just because I don't have a man doesn't mean I want yours.
4. Depended on the year and ward.
5. Didn't feel comfortable having them come to my home.
6. He was in the bishopric and very supportive
7. I kept the same home teachers until a month ago. They'd ask every month if there was something they could do to help. The one thing I needed/asked help with (weeding my yard) was never addressed.
8. Had a great spiritually in-tuned HT after the divorce but then they moved and it has been spotty at best since or non-existant. Before/during the divorce the HT withdrew but helped somewhat behind the scenes as he could with one son..

26. WERE YOUR VISITING TEACHERS CHANGED

       DURING/AFTER YOUR DIVORCE? 

• Yes.................................................................41.8%
• No..................................................................58.2%

27. HOW WERE YOUR VISITING TEACHERS 

      DURING/AFTER THE DIVORCE?

• Very helpful, supportive, compassionate, 

       visited me regularly.......................................41.8%

• Somewhat helpful, irregular visits.................22.9%
• Not helpful.......................................................7.6%
• Did not ever come..........................................15.3%
• Other.....comments..........................................12.4%

A SMALL SAMPLE OF "OTHER" COMMENTS:

1. what visiting teachers? haven't had any for the whole time i have lived here for 7 years except maybe 3 times
2. My Visiting Teachers stepped it up a notch and took me to lunch once a month to give their extra support
3. I don't remember who my visiting teachers were, but my Relief Society president was amazing!
4. Her mother had been thru a very similar situation, so she was great!!! Bishop didn't know that she was supportive, tho. She was told to not talk about my life with me. She disregarded that instruction.
5. One dropped out
6. My visiting teachers are still rocks for me. Even if they can't make it over for a visit (both our schedules can be crazy) I at least get a call. When I do ask for help, they're there!
7. Was able to have them for the first time, they were supportive
8. my visiting teacher of 12 years stopped calling or coming to visit
9. I ran into one while I was moving. She was very cold and hurtful. Very rude.
10. Not after the divorce, I felt I had to move from the ward, the next ward was good about sending them though.

VISITING TEACHERS CAN BE A GREAT SUPPORT SO SUFFERING SISTERS

28. ARE/WERE YOU INTERESTED IN ANY OF THE 

      MARRIED MEN IN YOUR WARD/STAKE?

• No, and I'm insulted that anyone would think that

       of me.................................................................79.1%

• Possibly, if he is good looking............................0.6%
• Maybe, if he is interested....................................1.2%
• Absolutely, I am hunting for my new partner among

       the married men in my ward/stake.....................0.0%

• Other.....comments.............................................19.2%

A SMALL SAMPLE OF THE "OTHER" COMMENTS:

1. Has never crossed my mind.
2. i was attracted to some of them, especially because of the way they treated their wives, but I knew I could not follow through on the attractions. I would never do that to another woman.
3. Absolutely NOT. I refuse to go down that road. I'm careful to make sure that that I even avoid the appearance of it. That would be morally wrong. And, from a practical stand point, I don't want someone in my life who would leave his wife to be with someone else.
4. none
5. I am not hunting married men
6. Not something I would even consider, why would you?
7. NO! Marriage is sacred. I wouldn't inflict pain on anyone elses marriage. Honoring marriage covenants includes my own and anyone else's.
8. Yes and I made sure I stayed away from him, since I think he was attracted to me too. Attraction happens but you don't have to act on it.
9. My answer is no.But I'm not insulted by the question. Yes I notice good looking guys, but I realize that love & longer lasting attraction is a choice. I'm not about to break up someone else's family. I won't date anyone who is not legally divorced already & I'm not talking to them before they are either. I have been asked this question plenty with my profession as a massage therapist. I struggle with thoughts a little bit, but then the spirit taught me that it had nothing to do with the attractive person in front of me & everything to do with me missing that emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. It's called mourning.
10. ughhh never!
11. What in the heck does this question mean??? No, I am not prowling after married men in my ward or stake. Do I know wonderful men in the ward and stake, who help me believe there are still decent LDS men out there? Absolutely!
12. Most of the divorced men over 50 don't have a recommend and sleep around..they also are in debt and don't seem to hold a job...very very slim pickings. I would rather date a non member
13. I joined LDSSingles.com
14. No! Not insulted just saddened by the thought of this needing to be asked...

THERE IS AN FALSE STIGMA ATTACHED TO DIVORCED WOMEN
THEY NO LONGER HAVE A HUSBAND, SO NOW THEY WILL WANT YOURS....