PLAN B- One Sister's Story of Trial Survival Through Testimony

HOW MY TESTIMONY HELPED ME THROUGH MY TRIALS

By Krysti Wilson, Alpine, Utah

While in exile on the island of Patmos off the coast of present-day Turkey, the Apostle John received a visit from Christ, the risen Lord. In his vision, John was shown the trials the saints in his day were facing and the trials that Latter-day Saints today, would face.. John also saw in his vision those who would remain faithful through their tribulations to the end. Of these he said, “And they overcame him [the devil and his temptations] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony” John learned that reliance on a personal testimony of the Savior and His gospel is essential in order to remain faithful during times of testing and crisis.

I don’t remember not having a testimony of the Savior of Jesus Christ and His plan of Happiness, and I have tried all my life to build and strengthen it.  Today I want to share how my testimony has helped me through my trials. I have just chosen 4 out of countless examples but everybody has a story, and I challenge you to look at your life and see where your testimony has given you strength to move on.

During trials, much like you, I used my Testimony of Prayer.   I pretty much prayed daily for one of my very difficult sons since he was about 3. By the time he was in 8th grade he was failing school and so depressed he refused to go to school, I was desperate for answers and really felt like I needed a lightning bolt and writing on the wall.  The answers did finally come, not all at once though, just a little at a time.  A friend called out of blue and recommend a good doctor, I walked into the library and right front & center were books about ADHD, the condition I knew nothing about but was exactly what I needed, a counselor at school was chosen and happened to have children of her own who struggled with ADHD and the answers kept coming..   Each bit of inspiration built upon the last.  Richard G Scott said “the support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time.  While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty will continue.  If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow.”

A second example is when during a particular time when our family was struggling. I used my testimony of fasting.   I received a direct answer to withdraw from some volunteer work and spend more time with my husband- which is not what I thought would be the answer.  In addition I also felt like I had an added measure of the spirit which brought more peace to our home.

Another example occurred during a period of my life that seemed so without hope. It felt so pointless to drag myself to church, couldn’t see any divine intervention in my trials and didn’t at all feel like I could deal with all those friendly faces at church.  But because I had made a commitment in life to attend my meetings, no matter what, and because I believe in my testimony of the principle of “being there” I went.  Sometimes it was just a test of endurance, other times the spirit reached into my numb heart, many times I felt the love others had for me especially when a sister sat next to me, put her arm around me and said, “I don’t know what it is like to be dealing with divorce, but I know it must be so difficult.  You are an amazing woman to me and I love you.”  In the end, I felt stronger simply because I was where I was supposed to be.

My last example occurred when I wanted access to the power that comes from attending the temple & all of the other promises that you can find in D&C 109, I would, just before I left for the temple, pray and ponder some of the struggles I was having so I could attend with a specific purpose.  I remember pleading with the Lord to help me with a particular child and I received a distinct answer to “simply just love him”. Once when I was so tearful at the temple, a matron asked me if I was ok, I said yes, but I wasn’t.  My husband had just left me and my 6 kids for good and I could in no way make sense of how those temple covenants would apply to me now. And I didn’t get answers that day, but because I persisted in my attendance, I understood through personal revelation, that those temple promises depended on me keeping my temple covenants and would not be taken away because my husband chose not to keep his.

It was my testimony of prayer, fasting, of “being there”, and of temple attendance coupled with my testimonies of fulfilling my callings, reading my scriptures, asking for Priesthood blessings, obeying the counsel of prophets and trying to be obedient, that allowed the Lord to guide me.  I didn’t do all of those perfectly, and still don’t, but the Lord knew the desires of my heart and blessed me.

I like how Elder David E Sorensen states it, “Remember that faith and obedience are still the answers—even when things go wrong, perhaps especially when things go wrong.”

What I learned from my trials

1.    We have a choice.  From the point in the Book of Mormon where Moroni first raised his Title of Liberty, It had been 16 difficult years of war. And when the Nephites had won we are told in Alma that “because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and Laminates, many had become hardened and many were softened because of their afflictions, and did humble themselves before God,” I have marked Alma 62:41 in my scriptures with a big question “what will I do with adversity?”.  We have a choice, we can allow our trials to harden our hearts OR lead us closer to the Lord.

2.    Accept Plan B & C and D & whatever other plan the Lord has AND believe that it is tailored for me.  How many times have we felt immobilized because what we had in mind for ourselves, Plan A just isn’t available anymore? I have always told my kids “When an important door in your life is closed, if you have faith, the Lord open other compensating doors. I am a perfect example:  My plan A ended with divorce, Ross’s Plan A ended with his wife dying of cancer. So we are sharing Plan B, which the Lord had put in place long before our Plan A’s imploded.    Don’t let yourself become immobilized…in the preexistence we knew how difficult this life would be, that we would be hurt by others, that we would feel pain, disappoint, grief. And yet we chose to come to earth. Why?  Because we trusted him.  We trusted him then and we must trust him now.

3.    I have learned that trials & tribulations are Specific for each of us.  If you think about it, how many of your trials are focused on areas of your life and parts of our soul that you seem least able to cope with.  Paul V Johnson of the seventy states: “Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses.  And no one is exempt.” 

4.    And I have also learned that trials and tribulations are the beginning of what I call, “the Make me Better cycle” In Corinthians, Paul tells us that when confronted with tribulation and trials, we have to rely upon our faith to keep us on the path facing the right direction.  We can then pray for help, we wait and wait learning patience.. When we finally get an answer and know what the Lord’s plan is for us, we are thankful for that spiritual knowledge and say, Oh, I get it now! And we feel strengthened and supported from there we can move forward with understanding, confidence and hope. ….Until we have another trial regarding a different gospel principle and we start the Make Me Better Cycle all over again and again, not as a list of what we have DONE but what we have BECOME.  Our daughter Carley, who is on a mission in Oklahoma said this:

      “Sometimes I think back to my life before the mission and who I was. It can be easy to miss that life because life was easy then. But I don’t want to shy away from adversity or suffering or sacrifice or serving because it brings change- and that change will bring me more in line with the Savior. I thought I used to know who I was and who I wanted to be. But that understanding has deepened beyond anything I can even describe. and I cannot wait to see how this understanding deepens even more as I go through life.

What I learned about ME through some of my trials….

I have learned that I actually have the strength to move forward, when everything seems impossible, , when the plan for me doesn’t make any sense.  I am sure if you think through some of your difficult trials you will be able to see that about yourself.  There are times we, as Pres Uchdorf says, "have to step in to the darkness in faith, confident that god will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do.”  I can remember when I had to do that and I plan to do it again.

I learned that I need strength beyond my own.  In psalms we are promised, “The salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: he is our strength in the time of trouble”   So I learned to call on that strength.  So often I had approached a problem laterally.  I was here and the problem over here, I thought that if I could summon enough power, the problem could be solved thru my own efforts.  Now I know, it is me here, with insufficient and weak power, binding myself to God, top and center, so I can draw upon His power, which power is then applied to my problem, over here.   

I have learned Patience, I now am much more willing to be patient and have faith that God knows what he was doing, even though his answer to me might be wait and wait and wait some more. Dale Sturm from BYUI said “What God is doing in you while you wait may be more important than what you are waiting for.”  Sometimes what we are waiting for isn’t at all what God has planned for us.  We have to allow God to give us what we need, not what we want.

I also learned that absolutely the only thing that matters is my love for God and our Savior Jesus Christ. Everything else extends from that love.  “The test a loving God has set before us it not to see if we can endure difficulty.  It is to see if we can endure it well.  Elder Eyring continues “We pass the test by showing that we remember Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation and whatever the tumult around us.”  I know that if I love the Savior, I will be able to do that.

It is impossible for us to work out our salvation and to become like God without trials or without sacrifices. He will try us until he knows what he can do with us. But I know also that we have loving Heavenly Father and a Savior Jesus Christ who want nothing more than to do all they can to help us return to them.  I know that they love me, they know me. I know that what Pres. Uchtdorf said is true: “that God is not waiting to love me until i have overcome my weaknesses and bad habits. He loves me today with a full understanding of my struggles. He is aware when I reach up to Him in prayer. He knows of the times I have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of my sufferings. He knows of my remorse for the times I have fallen short or failed. And still He loves me.”  I hope that you can feel His love.  I testify that that as we use our testimony of Him to navigate through our trials we can find the strength to overcome all that we are asked to endure.